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In today’s world of social media flexing, career updates on LinkedIn, and subtle bragging in group chats, it’s easier than ever to fall into the comparison trap. You start measuring your success not by your own progress, but by where your peers are — their income, homes, cars, vacations, or even their job titles. I’ve seen this play out time and again, but one particular story always stands out to me. It’s about my wife’s coworker turned friend, a man who constantly compared himself to his more “successful” peers, and who believed that leasing a luxury car would somehow bridge that gap.
This story is a perfect example of how the urge to “look successful” can sabotage actual financial progress. It’s a cautionary tale about the emotional toll of comparison and the financial mistakes people make when they let others define what success means.
The Early Struggles
After college, this man’s friends seemed to take off like rockets. Many of them landed high-paying jobs right after graduation, making six figures before they even turned 30. Meanwhile, he was making around $45,000 a year working in a medical lab, still trying to find his footing.
He had bigger dreams — he wanted to go to medical school and become a doctor. It wasn’t an easy path, but he was determined. He thought that working in a research lab would strengthen his application. He worked long hours, hoping that his experience and dedication would eventually pay off.
But after years of trying, things didn’t go according to plan. Getting into medical school in the United States is notoriously competitive, and despite his efforts, it didn’t happen for him.
The Thailand Detour
At one point, he even quit his job to volunteer in Thailand. His plan was to gain hands-on medical experience and make his medical school application more appealing. It was a bold move — one that many would admire for its courage and commitment. But financially, it was a setback.
He gave up his steady income for an uncertain future. And while the volunteer experience was likely fulfilling in many ways, it didn’t lead him to the medical school acceptance letter he’d been chasing.
When he came back to the U.S., he had to rebuild his career from scratch. Eventually, he pivoted and started working as a data analyst for companies that handled medical data — a smart career move that aligned with his background and skills. Over time, his income grew, and by his mid-30s, he finally started earning six figures.
But even then, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was behind.
The Comparison Trap
This feeling — that nagging sense of being behind your peers — can be incredibly destructive.
When you spend years comparing yourself to others, you start measuring your worth by external standards. Instead of celebrating your own growth, you focus on where you think you should be. This mindset breeds frustration, resentment, and a sense of inadequacy that no paycheck can fix.
My wife’s coworker constantly compared his life to that of his friends who had “made it” years before him. They had nice houses, expensive cars, families, and investments. In his mind, they were ahead — and he was the one still trying to catch up.
So when he finally hit six figures, he felt like it was his moment to show that he belonged in that same group.
The BMW Plan
Instead of quietly celebrating his progress, saving more, or investing to build long-term wealth, he decided he needed to look successful right away.
His plan? Lease a BMW.
On paper, it sounded like a quick win — drive a luxury car, feel successful, and show his friends that he’d finally arrived. But in reality, it was an expensive illusion. Leasing a car, especially a luxury one, is one of the fastest ways to throw away money for the sake of image.
Let’s say he leased a BMW for $700 a month (which is conservative for some models). Over a typical three-year lease, that’s about $25,000 — and at the end of it, he wouldn’t even own the car. Add in insurance, maintenance, and taxes, and the total cost could easily reach $30,000 or more.
That’s $30,000 that could have gone toward catching up on investments, building an emergency fund, or even putting a down payment on a home.
But in his mind, that wasn’t as important as looking successful now.
The Psychology Behind It
This kind of behavior isn’t uncommon, and it’s deeply rooted in human psychology. We all crave acceptance. We want to feel like we belong, especially among people we respect or look up to.
When we feel left behind, it’s natural to want to signal to others that we’ve made it — even if it’s just for show. Psychologists call this impression management — the act of controlling how others perceive you.
But the danger is that this pursuit of external validation often leads people into debt, bad financial habits, or even deeper insecurity. Because no matter how impressive you look on the outside, comparison never ends. Someone will always have a nicer car, a bigger home, or a higher-paying job.
The only real solution is to redefine success based on your own values, not other people’s timelines.
The Real Cost Of “Catching Up”
Leasing that BMW might have felt good temporarily. He probably enjoyed the looks, the compliments, and the feeling of driving something luxurious. But beneath the surface, that decision was rooted in insecurity — not confidence.
And here’s the irony: the very people he was trying to impress probably weren’t even paying that much attention.
Successful people — those truly secure in themselves — rarely measure others by their possessions. They’re usually too focused on their own goals to care what someone else drives.
Meanwhile, he was sacrificing financial stability to maintain an image that didn’t actually change his reality.
Let’s put it into perspective.
If instead of leasing a BMW, he had invested $700 a month for three years at a 7% return, he’d have roughly $28,000 by the end of that period. That money could then continue compounding year after year.
Fast forward 10 years — that same $28,000 could easily grow into $55,000 or more.
Instead, after three years of driving a leased car, he’d be left with… nothing.
The Better Alternative
So what should he have done instead?
The answer isn’t as flashy, but it’s far more powerful. He could have used that same energy and excitement to quietly build real wealth.
Here’s what that might look like:
- Pay off debt.
Instead of paying a lease, he could’ve eliminated credit card balances or student loans. Every dollar saved in interest is a guaranteed return. - Build an emergency fund.
Peace of mind is worth far more than the temporary thrill of a luxury car. Having 9–12 months of expenses in the bank provides real confidence. - Invest early and consistently.
He was already in his mid-30s, so investing aggressively would help him catch up for lost time. - Celebrate progress privately.
Instead of broadcasting success, he could’ve enjoyed the satisfaction of knowing he was financially stable — a feeling no car can replace.
Lessons From His Story
There are a few big takeaways from this situation — lessons that apply to all of us, no matter where we are in life.
1. Stop comparing your chapter 3 to someone else’s chapter 10.
Everyone’s path is different. Some people hit their stride early, while others take time to figure it out. What matters is that you’re moving forward.
2. Success isn’t a race — it’s a journey.
The moment you stop competing with others and start focusing on your own growth, you’ll find peace.
3. Image is expensive; wealth is quiet.
Leasing a BMW might make you look successful, but having money in the bank makes you feel successful.
4. Real confidence comes from financial security, not social approval.
When you know your bills are paid, your investments are growing, and your life is stable, you don’t need to prove anything to anyone.
A Different Kind Of Flex
Imagine if instead of leasing a BMW, he had focused on building real assets. A few years later, he might have bought a home, started a side business, or invested enough to comfortably retire early.
That’s the kind of success that lasts — the kind that doesn’t require validation from anyone else.
True wealth isn’t about showing off what you can buy; it’s about having the freedom to live on your own terms. It’s being able to say “no” to things that don’t serve you, “yes” to opportunities that excite you, and sleeping well at night knowing your finances are solid.
That’s the real flex.
Final Thoughts
My wife’s coworker’s story is a familiar one because so many of us have felt that pressure to measure up — to prove ourselves to the people around us. But at the end of the day, leasing a BMW or buying any luxury item to impress others won’t fix the feeling of being behind.
In fact, it often makes it worse.
If you ever catch yourself comparing your life to others, take a step back and ask: What am I really chasing?
Because chances are, the people you’re trying to impress aren’t thinking about you nearly as much as you think. And the money you spend to prove something today could be the money that buys your freedom tomorrow.
It’s okay to take longer to reach your goals. What matters most is that you get there — not how fast you do it or how fancy you look along the way.
Quiet success will always outlast loud appearances.
